It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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