Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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