You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
