whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that's an acceptable place to lick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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