Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
vagina is talking i cant
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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