let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
