I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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