I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
