It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
