I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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