i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
