i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
