Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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