The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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