Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
