Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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