So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this boner is exhausting
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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