Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
