Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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