so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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