im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
