She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
