Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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