I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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