I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize