I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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