he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
