I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
