im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
