i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
