Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
