So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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