i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
