I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
