Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
