i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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