a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
