MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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