she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
