Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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