there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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