you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Barsexuality is the new black.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
