My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize