What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize