dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
