This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
