Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
