Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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