belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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