Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
