The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
