Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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