I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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