Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize