It's Friday. Sex?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
