Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
