We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
