her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
