Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
