the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
