Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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