ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
