Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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