Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
