I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
