So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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