my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
