I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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