It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
