He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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