it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
