y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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