Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
