guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
