Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
