We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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