There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
