I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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