Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
bring money and cleavage
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
