Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
