There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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