Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
