I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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