I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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