Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
