Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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