Sacagawea was the original milf.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
