So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Less talking, more tequila
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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